Saturday, May 17, 2008
just a few more months left until i get out of this hell hole.
i've never regretted so much in my life before, seriously. i've told myself, time and again since that time, that i'm never, ever going to regret any decision i make, any path i choose to take or anything i choose to do. but this time, my heart is filled with regret. why didn't i tell them about my injury when i went for my ns medical checkup? why didn't i choose to
geng? why must this s*** happen?
seriously, all that talk about being the elite force of the armed forces and having pride in that? all bs. face it, we're NSFs, we're only serving because we're forced to serve. like what they say, to us, SAF simply means "Serve And F*** off". we were once carefree civilians living a life of our own, and then the law steps in and strips that life down to nothing. how then do you expect us to talk about pride and honour? elite force? don't make me laugh.
i'm suffering and yet i can't do anything much. why? because i'm just a bloody recruit. and until mid july, i'll just be a private. after that, i'll probably be a lance coporal for a long time to come. why i say all this? because in there, it's all about rank. if you're a trainee, you're treated like nobody. they look at you as if you're kids who doesn't know how to behave, and it seems as though they derive pleasure from finding even the slightest mistake you make and punishing you for that. they have eyes everywhere, snipers at every corner, waiting to strike at the correct moment. every second, we must be on our best behaviour. every single damn bloody second.
to make matters worse, most, if not all of the time, i'm not the one who commits that mistake. but of course i never fail to get punished together. i'm not saying this just for myself, majority of the company are good soldiers who'd obey the orders and fight for our country if need be. but in return, we're hammered again and again because in there, it all talks about being a team, one for all, all for one. i don't deny that, but what i disagree on is confining the entire company because some idiot(s) refuses to cooperate. first you force us to serve the country together with them (people who can't behave for nuts) and now we're getting confined because they can't behave. what rubbish is this.
i'm not serving because i want to protect the country. to me, singapore is just a place i'm born in, not like i can choose that. the country has brought me up and will continue so, so i'm simply returning the favour, nothing more. what i want to protect, is not the country, but the world around me. and that would be my family and friends (you're most likely one of them if you're reading this). there're the ones who gave me a life, whom i choose to be with, whom i love. and they're precious to me. even if the country were to fall, i'll still be fighting for them to survive.
this life is screwed up. or maybe it's just that place i'm in. or maybe it's just the situation i'm in.
i miss school, real bad.
aaron | 8:20 PM
