hooya! back from my much dreaded confinment. well actually to me, it didn't feel as bad since i had the opportunity to get out due to certain appointments i had. oh btw, i flunked my TP test. yea, it felt like s*** and it still feels like it. and the reason for failing is utterly stupid but ah whatever, i flunked it. just hope i can book an early retest date.
anw, i finally POP-ed today. no longer a recruit. not that it's a happy occassion, because from next week onwards i'm probably going to end up with aching muscles every single day. and the chances of getting ooc-ed (out of course) is relatively high, even for me. today, they gave us an 'little party' on what life would be like for the next phase, PCP (physical conditioning phase). though i admit that they went a little overboard, it's obvious that they were trying, maybe a bit too hard, to tell us one thing: "be ready, be very ready"
for now, we're just entering the path that leads to the gates of hell, and yet the tormenting heat is already starting to drain my life away. but i know, i must not give up, not at this point. the next six weeks will be very tough, for the real deal is about to begin (after these 6+1 weeks i'm probably gonna turn mega muscular like the seniors xD). when the instructors are briefing us, 'scaring' us, telling us to be ready, there was only one thing on my mind: "bring it on"
ok army life aside. it's been 2 weeks and i seem to have a lot to mention. it's the time of the year again, roland garros is bustling with life, as the likes of rafael nadal and ana ivanovic takes center court. it's a pity this year, it's pretty hard for me to follow all the action since (pathetic) NDU doesn't provide us with newspaper or TV. but oh well, i just hope rafa can retain his crown this year. looking forward to the nadal vs. djokovic semis (if all goes well =p)
man, how i wish i can get a month long off pass and get a ticket to paris to soak myself in the atmosphere and catch the action... ok i shall stop daydreaming and snap back to reality x)
aaron | 7:51 PM
Monday, May 19, 2008
happy vesak day!
not that i am happy at all. in fact, i'm still depressed over the confinement issue. !@#$%^&*.
ok my tp test is next weekend and i must pass it no matter what, after all this months of lessons and lessons, spendings and spendings. i'm not going to let myself down this time, never. that's everything to me now.
few more hours to book in. ok guys, let's get through this s*** together.
2 weeks to end of BMT 8 weeks to Hell Week 7 months to POP 20 months to ORD
aaron | 3:27 PM
Saturday, May 17, 2008
just a few more months left until i get out of this hell hole.
i've never regretted so much in my life before, seriously. i've told myself, time and again since that time, that i'm never, ever going to regret any decision i make, any path i choose to take or anything i choose to do. but this time, my heart is filled with regret. why didn't i tell them about my injury when i went for my ns medical checkup? why didn't i choose to geng? why must this s*** happen?
seriously, all that talk about being the elite force of the armed forces and having pride in that? all bs. face it, we're NSFs, we're only serving because we're forced to serve. like what they say, to us, SAF simply means "Serve And F*** off". we were once carefree civilians living a life of our own, and then the law steps in and strips that life down to nothing. how then do you expect us to talk about pride and honour? elite force? don't make me laugh.
i'm suffering and yet i can't do anything much. why? because i'm just a bloody recruit. and until mid july, i'll just be a private. after that, i'll probably be a lance coporal for a long time to come. why i say all this? because in there, it's all about rank. if you're a trainee, you're treated like nobody. they look at you as if you're kids who doesn't know how to behave, and it seems as though they derive pleasure from finding even the slightest mistake you make and punishing you for that. they have eyes everywhere, snipers at every corner, waiting to strike at the correct moment. every second, we must be on our best behaviour. every single damn bloody second.
to make matters worse, most, if not all of the time, i'm not the one who commits that mistake. but of course i never fail to get punished together. i'm not saying this just for myself, majority of the company are good soldiers who'd obey the orders and fight for our country if need be. but in return, we're hammered again and again because in there, it all talks about being a team, one for all, all for one. i don't deny that, but what i disagree on is confining the entire company because some idiot(s) refuses to cooperate. first you force us to serve the country together with them (people who can't behave for nuts) and now we're getting confined because they can't behave. what rubbish is this.
i'm not serving because i want to protect the country. to me, singapore is just a place i'm born in, not like i can choose that. the country has brought me up and will continue so, so i'm simply returning the favour, nothing more. what i want to protect, is not the country, but the world around me. and that would be my family and friends (you're most likely one of them if you're reading this). there're the ones who gave me a life, whom i choose to be with, whom i love. and they're precious to me. even if the country were to fall, i'll still be fighting for them to survive.
this life is screwed up. or maybe it's just that place i'm in. or maybe it's just the situation i'm in.
i miss school, real bad.
aaron | 8:20 PM
Sunday, May 11, 2008
this sucks.
i'm going for field camp tomorrow despite not being in the pink of health. and i wouldn't want to miss it since failure to attend will surely result in recourse of the entire bmt once again. i'm already wasting my life here in ns, and i'm bent on not wasting anymore of my precious time on stupid things, and recourse happens to be one of them. so basically i have no choice but to go into the jungle and keep the insects awake with my non stop coughing at night.
to all civilians out there, next time if you're thinking of wasting food, think twice. or rather, thrice. besides thinking of the children in poor countries who have nothing to eat, you can also think of the poor ns men stuck in the jungle eating combat rations all day long.
i shall get this field camp over and done with. till next week then!
3 weeks to end of BMT 9 weeks to Hell Week less than 8 months to POP less than 21 months to ORD
aaron | 5:48 PM
Saturday, May 10, 2008
life in camp without handphone has made me think a lot, instead of just lying on my bed and watching the fans blades spin or listening to my mp3. i know i always say dont think too much but when you have nothing to do, it happens. i thought about rough plans for the future (so unlike me), what i'll most likely do, when i want to settle down by, roughly at which age i want to retire (a bit far yes i know), what do i want to do after that etc.
though the future is really uncertain, it's sometimes good to at least have a rough idea how you want it to be like.
then i thought about why certain people tend to behave certain way. in camp, you really get to see the entire world. there're different people ranging from ah longs with big tatoos to muggers with thick glasses (not that there're any from ndu, because we're suppose to have perfect eyesight). it's really interesting to see how different people come together and we really learn a lot from each other. like for example my bunkmate's 101 methods of doing every single thing the unorthodox way and never getting caught.
of course there're a lot more to those but i shall just leave it at that.
thanks to no phone week, i've managed to get back to playing chinese chess once again since the primary school days. there're really quite a number of chinese chess pros in ndu so i dont realy have to worry about not having anyone to play with. and it made me realise how playing chess can really really help to kill (a truckload of) time. now i understand why all the lao ah peks like to sit at the void decks and play chess to determine who is treating who to yum cha. maybe i too can do that after i retire. haha.
命运真的很喜欢作弄我们,但是我也是个倔强的笨蛋,词典里可没有“认命”这两个字。
aaron | 8:49 AM
Sunday, May 4, 2008
When I hear your voice, it's drowning in the whispers. It's just skin and bones, there's nothing left to take. And no matter what I do, I can't make you feel better. If only I could find the answer to help me understand..
Sometimes I wish I could save you, And there's so many things that I want you to know. I won't give up 'til it's over. If it takes you forever, I want you to know that..
If you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you up off the ground. If you lose faith in you, I'll give you strength to pull through. Tell me you won't give up, 'Cause I'll be waiting if you fall. You know I'll be there for you.
If only I could find the answer to take it all away..
that's save you by simple plan, which i'm kind of addicted to right now. the lyrics are simple, but it somehow speaks my mind right now. oh well.
ok i'm going to be totally cut off from civilian world for the next 2 weeks (!@#$%^*!) thanks to field camp and something else. this sucks. oh ya and for those who want to know how i'm doing, i can only say life is boring but i'm somehow managing it. for guys who want to know what's it like in naval diving unit, i'm still going through BMT so what i'm doing is abt the same as what u guys do in tekong. if u want to know about diving and all that ask again sometime later, maybe in july.
4 weeks to end of BMT 10 weeks to Hell Week less than 8 months to POP less than 21 months to ORD
aaron | 11:02 AM
Aaron
210389.
qifa pri
river valley high
national junior college
hq rsn
nus??